Hawaii: Where My Te Kā Met My Te Fiti

Four islands, four versions of me, and the quiet merging that changed everything.

I’ve always lived outside my comfort zone. Maybe that’s why I love traveling. I’m talking about the kind of stories where life keeps nudging you past what feels safe. The tiny panic attacks, the moments you’re never ready for… yet somehow that’s exactly where you end up finding yourself. Hawaii was one of those chapters for me.

I sometimes wish I lived these islands the way social media does… all flower crowns and soft lighting. But in my story, each island carried a version of me I was meant to meet and complete. I had no idea I was doing a full-character-arc tour, but the universe loves a dramatic reveal.

So I wrote this blog for every moment that stayed suspended in the air, waiting for closure. Because outgrowing something doesn’t make it your enemy. If anything, I’m grateful. You all mirrored me back to myself. And I’m glad our paths crossed. Glad I crossed entire horizons to meet you, even when it made me a little dizzy.

My story began with Chloe. A Korean version of me from two years ago, who overheard the flight attendants on my LA to Oahu flight whispering that I was solo traveling for my 33rd birthday. Somehow we ended up spending an entire day together.

We met on a Hawaiian Airlines flight. And the funny part? It turned out to be one of the last ones before the airline merged into Alaska Airlines. Watching that whole system dissolve while my old identity was dissolving too… it felt quietly precise. Almost too accurate. The kind of cosmic choreography that makes you whisper “okaaaay universe, relax… I get it.”

Everything she said, everything she feared, everything she lived through… it all mirrored where I’d come from. And maybe she got a glimpse of where she could go. Before we said goodbye, we set an alarm on our phones: “Next year, same day, let’s FaceTime and see how far we’ve come.”

Will we actually do it? Who knows. But I liked the symbolism.

That evening, watching the sunset alone, I felt proud. Leaving those old fears behind and still choosing to keep your heart open… it’s underrated, honestly.

Waikiki came next, naturally. Of course I’d take my first surf lesson where surfing was born. The place royalty chose. My surf instructor was communicative, warm, very “Aloha energy.” Then I accidentally over-validated him in front of his cousin. And the cousin tried to joke, “If she takes a lesson tomorrow morning and she miss her flight, you pay for it.”

My instructor shot back without blinking, “Nope. I won’t. I’d give her another lesson and just charge again.”

The cousin looked shook. I didn’t. Because every unintegrated man who doesn’t know what to do with my frequency suddenly performs this weird “I’m the alpha here” theatre. I let him. He lost the money. I took a lesson from someone else. Life is simple if you let it be.

Kauai… this island came for my heart in a way I didn’t expect. The excitement from Oahu mixed with exhaustion and turned into instant emotion. The place I stayed felt like Williamsburg in 2013. And the boy I met? He was the perfect “American dream” I would’ve handed to my 15-year-old self like, “See? Look, girl, we made it.”

But even though he said he was drawn to my energy, even though he insisted we meet… he dropped the classic line: “I had such a wrong impression of you…”

Sir, you don’t know me. You want to go out with me. And yet you built an entire fictional character in your head based on your past trauma report… and now you want me to fix it for you? Are you trying to meet me, or your own projection?

From that moment I knew this wouldn’t last 24 hours. But curiosity whispered, “let’s see what this teaches me.” Even my 15-year-old self sighed. Still, the stars that night… the infinity of it… the small film-scene moments… those stayed with me. Time is limited. Why do people sabotage a perfect moment just because their nervous system refuses to chill for once?

Anyway. Whatever he’s reminiscing about now… that’s the part he couldn’t ruin.

Maui… the island where Moana’s Maui mixes wounded masculinity with demigod charm. I kept driving through unknown roads, slightly panicking, slightly enchanted, fully overwhelmed. I met incredible people. I witnessed surreal moments. I hugged strangers at local markets. I laughed with them. I regulated myself through panic attacks like I was collecting merit badges.

At one point I genuinely thought, “Could I live here?” The poke from Foodland turned into a cinematic moment with coastline, music, and that weird breeze that feels like it knows your whole life story. I savored loneliness in the sweetest way. And that tiny Japanese restaurant with live music… yeah. I fell in love with Maui a little. You mf demigod… you got me.

Big Island… this place carried a quiet sadness. Mother Pele had won her war against her sister, but it felt like she hadn’t fully recovered. The flowers looked like survivors of her fire. The man I met here was kind of like that too. Another one drawn to my energy. Shocking, I know.

He approached me on the beach, circled like a confused seagull, then acted childish to get attention. Sir, please. Eventually he admitted he knew I’d noticed him acting like that and that I wasn’t reacting. He was right. But the lack of being seen in his teenage years wasn’t something he could fix by “winning” me.

We talked for a long time. It was nice. But he showed me exactly what I needed to leave behind: my instinct to teach when I see potential. He freed me without meaning to.

He tried really hard to convince me to go out with him, but the story was already over. He knew it. His ego just refused to accept it.

Flying back to Oahu, I felt purified in a weird, ancient way. I always knew my connection with America was strong. I just didn’t know it would touch me this deeply. Te Fiti and Te Ka were the same being in Moana. Mother Pele reminded me of that. Real power comes after the war ends… when you manage to open again.

Maybe the waters of Big Island were still angry because she hadn’t owned her victory yet. But my heart is with her. One day she’ll merge earth and fire with water and air. The same way women carry the feeling and men carry the action. When they unite, that black-sand-beach kind of beauty is born.

I’m writing this in London’s festive air, by candlelight, knowing every person I met was a piece of me. And with a soft ache and a proud heart, I’m closing the Hawaii chapter. Will our paths cross again? No idea.

What I do know is that I’ll be on the road again. Somewhere, somehow, with my own completed self.

Love,

T